This weekend marks 10 years of Women of Hope, and her successor, Accessible Hope International. When I agreed to take on the leadership of WOH, I knew it was for a long haul. This was my 3rd go at a non-profit or development program start-up, and while I didn’t know everything that was in store, I DID know that you don’t start a ministry with a short-range view in mind! As with most of life’s journeys, there have been many unexpected twists and turns along the way, both for the ministry and for life. I’ve learned a lot along the way, and I expect there is still a lot more to learn. But I wanted to reflect on just a few of the lessons I’ve learned these past 10 years. It certainly isn’t ALL of the lessons learned, but it is a few that have been consistent and profound.
1. He will give your heart desires.
When I started WOH, I was homeschooling 3 kids full-time. They were 14, 11 and 6. As the work of the ministry ramped up, I couldn’t see how I was supposed to do both of those full-time jobs, but I was also not seeing the Lord releasing me from either of them. I loved homeschooling. I mean, not every day (my kids are humans too), but I really enjoyed it. I loved writing curriculum, creating innovative ways for my kids to acquire new knowledge and skills, hanging out with my kids – and learning. I loved all the learning! Because every homeschool mom (and maybe all teachers too?) know that education is wasted on the young. They rarely appreciate it, but I LOVED it! And, I had started to make a dent on the homeschool conference circuit, speaking and encouraging other moms, and I enjoyed that too. But homeschooling is really a full-time job. And starting a non-profit is more than a full-time job. And here I was with both.
There were many times in those early years that I cried to the Lord – “which one of these things can I quit?” And He didn’t answer. The other problem was, I didn’t WANT to quit either of them, and that posed a conundrum too. But over the years of walking with the Lord, often through some hard and challenging stuff, I had learned that when He starts to change the trajectory of my journey (at least from my perspective), He does that by gently nudging my heart and my desires in a different direction. And one day I wake up and find out that I actually WANT something different. And that happened with this as well. Over time, the deep desire I had to educate my kids started to wane. Not that I didn’t think it was valuable anymore, but I began to believe that other options were also viable, and He would use all of it. It has not been an easy road. My daughter, more as a credit to her own tenacity than anything I did, managed to finish her entire schooling by various homeschool methods. And my last one, still in school, well, each year (or semester) is a new commitment and tweak, but he’ll be fine as well.
2. I am limited. He is limitless.
Over the years, I’ve learned to accept that I have higher capacity than the average bear, and it took me a while to settle into being OK with that – OK for myself, and OK with letting others accomplish less in the same amount of time. And I’ve never really been one to back down from a challenge. But THIS – well, this had me whipped. Homeschooling full-time and starting a ministry and traveling globally… Finally one day I was just done. And I told the Lord, “I can’t do this.” And He said, “Now we’re talking the same language.” And that was the day that the dam broke, and I had reached my limit. And that, I realized, was what the Lord had been waiting for. It was the turning point in the homeschool journey, and a turning point in my own life, reaching the end of the gifts and skills He had given me and realizing that He is a limitless source of everything, and I am just a channel. While every gift and skill is from Him and to be used for Him – they are all limited, because WE are limited. But HIS supply of skills is limitless – and instead of learning to rely on the limited supply we’re entrusted with for a few decades, we have to learn to draw from His supply, which never runs out. In our weakness He is strong. In our strength, He is unnecessary. The past 10 years have been a lesson in drawing on His limitless strength, and not counting on the tiny stockpile I have.
3. Balance is a myth.
This was what a friend told me one day when she asked how she could pray for me and I asked her to pray that I could find a way to balance home life and ministry. I was shocked. At that time I considered myself a bit of a “balance guru” and felt that everything could (and should) be balanced. So, I argued with her a little, and as often happens, argued myself right into a whole new way of thinking. Her theory, which I have adopted, is that there really is no such thing as “balancing” all the aspects of your life. Keeping everything in balance implies that everything ends up with equal amounts, or at the very least, proportional amounts. But in ministry leadership, in non-profit management, in life – that is not usually possible. So, continuing to attempt a successful balance is not only exhausting but continually defeating, as failure is usually the outcome. Instead, she told me, arise to each day with the question, “What do YOU want for me today, Father?” And then do that. That might mean that some days turn out to be a whole lot more kid-oriented, or require more personal time, and other days might require long hours or days away on a trip, unavailable to kids or other life demands. But He gets to decide, and our job is to learn to surrender each day to what He has chosen for that day. This was so freeing for me! And it continues to keep me sane (on most days).
4. Stuff doesn’t turn out like you thought it would. Ever.
Maybe the good thing about this journey is that for most of the years, we were really just “doing the next thing” and taking one day or week at a time. There’s a lot of stress in that, but there’s a lot of freedom too. These past 10 years have brought higher highs and lower lows than I ever saw coming. It’s been a wild ride, and I had a front-row seat. When we started, I wouldn’t have thought we’d be in possession of a permanent office/workshop and retreat centre in Sierra Leone, ministering to over 600 women with disabilities. I didn’t see the global aspects coming either. When I was asked to consult on some work in Sierra Leone because of my years of living and working there, I didn’t foresee trips to India, Zambia, Nepal, Ghana, Kenya, Nigeria, and other places in my future. I never imagined women who desperately needed assistance would turn on me for not giving them what they wanted (new houses), and try to stone me (twice). I didn’t foresee the deep relationships that I would gain – and lose – in this messy work of transformation. And while I know that missions is very often much more about what will happen in you than through you, I had no idea the amount of change that would take place in me over these 10 years.
5. The Battle is REAL!
I’m not one for seeing a demon behind every bush (though I wouldn’t doubt that they’re there…), but the intensity of the spiritual warfare that I’ve seen, experienced and been wounded by over these past 10 years has been astounding. When I went into this ministry, the Lord called me to it using the passage in Luke 4 (quoted from Isaiah 61). It’s a moving, “pump-it-up” passage about the blind seeing and good news to the poor and releasing captives. It didn’t take very long for me to realize that the whole “releasing captives” thing is NO JOKE! Captives. Not hitchhikers. Not lost wanderers. Captives. Thing is – nobody is a captive because they want to be. Captives are captives because someone else is holding them against their will. And usually those “someones” are not interested in losing them. Have you seen Rambo? Those guys go into POW camps in the deepest parts of the jungle to set free people who have been held for a loooong time. They’ve been there so long, they don’t even remember what normal life looks like. And they are heavily guarded by people who have an interest in keeping them there. Remember what happens? When Rambo and his guys finally make a run for the camp – stuff. blows. up!! Yeah, well, it’s a lot like that when you are working to set captives free that Satan has held in bondage for generations. Stuff blows up. And people get hurt. And he fights meaner and more ruthlessly than any lag-behind rebel faction ever did.
6. Every single thing in your life is a prelude to something else.
On the day (yes, it was a specific day) that I knew the Lord was calling me into this ministry full-time, He gave me a vision of something He was doing 35 years earlier when I was just a 9-year-old girl. And He showed me how those early years in a little Sierra Leonean village were preparation for the start of Women of Hope. But it didn’t stop there. The past 10 years have been a continual analysis of the back side of the tapestry, seeing the weaving that was going on to create the picture for today. And it doesn’t stop there either. Today’s weavings are part of tomorrow’s story too. The intricate orchestrations our God is capable of is mind-blowing! Nothing is wasted. Every moment of every day is intentional and part of the grander purpose He has ordained – for your life. For the lives you touch each day. For the Kingdom.
And you know the stuff that I loved that I “gave up” when I left homeschooling full-time – writing curricula, dreaming up creative educational solutions, speaking at conferences… Guess what I’ve been doing for the past 10 years? Writing curricula, dreaming up creative educational solutions, speaking at conferences. The people at these conferences don’t wear denim jumpers (though some are sporting buns), as most of them are wearing branded missionary apparel. (Every conference genre has its own uniform, I guess…) And the kids I wasn’t going to be able to teach anymore? Well, all 3 of them have said to me, in recent years, “Mom, thanks for giving us a world far bigger than that of most of our peers. I am so grateful for the perspective of travel and different places and cultures.” So, maybe we can chalk this past 10 years up to one enormous unit study field trip…?
So, happy birthday Women of Hope International, and rest in peace. You were a beautiful mess these past 10 years. May your successor, Accessible Hope International, live to bring honor to your memory and the foundation you laid. And may many find access to the One who makes sense of our messes through her doors.
Until ALL have access,
Kim
